In my previous post I state that there are other emotional options besides jealousy when faced with infidelity. Candy, the contributor of several insightful comments here, revealed to me through email that she too has experienced something besides jealousy in a situation where most would feel it. I received her consent to publish her words here …
Randall: Would you explain what thoughts go through your head, and what feelings you experience, when in a position of competing with another woman for a man’s love?
Candy: Let me think… “being in a position of competing with another woman for a man’s love”. the situation, a classical “jealousy” one: the triangle 1 man with 2 women.
When/if a man is emotionally torn between me and someone else… I don’t feel jealousy against the other person. More the sadness to have lost the love of the man who stands “in the middle.” Yes, I said “lost the love” because as soon as he questions himself who’s the best, she or I, then the relationship has been transformed.
To me it’s like throwing water on the fire (love), same effect.
Being in such a situation of competition does not interest me. I find it degrading, insulting, I find it useless & tasteless.
What only matters would be “does he love me or not.” But it’s not even the case anymore here, it’s only “am I better than this other woman?” WTF. If he can’t tell he loves me, then he does not.
Besides I’m not into cats’ fights.
But I guess some women (or men in the other triangle situation) would get crazy with that, they’ll fight to win the “prize.” That’s not the way I see love.
That does not mean I tell the man should or should not have other lovers. Love can express itself in many ways with different persons I guess. It’s the competition situation that I dislike.
A situation that won’t awake the jealousy monster in me, just sadness for being treating this way. Is sadness better than jealousy? I don’t know … I think yes. Sadness is hard to stand, but logical and positive, like a first step to reconstruct oneself. Jealousy on the other hand, brings reactions that are negative: hatred, lost of self control, pain, obsession.
Thank you, Candy. So well stated.